You know what's pretty awesome? When your grandpa takes you out on the back roads of Vermont after a snow storm and spins the car around on the ice... on purpose! =D
It was super cool. There's this tiny publishing house in a small town nearby where my grandparents live and I like to drive on the back roads (that's pretty much the only time I like to drive) so my grandpa was like "HEY! Let's go for a ride!" And I drove up there, and then he drove back. On the way home he pulled off into one of these little side parking lots where people stop to look at moose and bears and stuff-- I was like, "Grandpa Rod, what are you doing?" And then he looked around all over the place and then accelerated the car (I was really freaked out because for a split second I thought he was going crazy) and then he did this little gear monuever thing with the brake and the emergency brake and the car spun around!!!!
IT WAS SO COOL.
He's going on and on about how to do it and how a move like that can save you if the roads are in a certain condition and I'm just sitting there thinking "Oh my god. That was just like a movie!!!" And then he does it again, but this time spins it completely 180 degrees. Of course, he spends the next twenty minutes trying to explain it to me but I don't understand gears so ninety percent of what he said was babbling. Like the adults in Peanuts.
[The Moral of this story is that my grandpa is awesome, and cool things happen during Winter Break]
More cool things that happened: I got a leather jacket, saw Tangled (aka CUTEST MOVIE EVER) and saw my paternal cousins, which is freaking awesome because I haven't seen one of them in like, years.
Yeahbutso Christmas was actually pretty awesome. I loved it. Christmas day was freaking awesome; lots of presents, lots of family, lots of fun. I can't really say much more than that.
But then i went to Vermont... and the happy haze was shattered for a moment before revived slightly by coming home and seeing more relatives and above mentioned cousin reunion.
Now I'm back to *doom* because... guess what?
My birthday is in a couple days... yeah, January 2. And I'm turning 18 and I'm not sure if i like that. Mostly because I have to figure out if I'm going to have a party in a week or something or if I'm going to just hang with friends-- and I know you're probably thinking "Jesus, Alexa, it's just a party." But, you see, I am party-deficient. I can't throw them. I am physically incapable of throwing a party. I can do to them, sure. I love parties. But have one? At my house? No. Sorry. Can't do it. Last year I didn't have to worry about it because a) I figured it was okay not to have one and then b) my friends threw one for me. But this year they aren't going to do that and I kinda want one... 18 is sorta big, isn't it? More reasons I'm freaking out/ unhappy/ stressing is because 18 means you are an adult now and i don't want to grow up. Sorry, just don't. Also, I always get crappy presents on my birthday. Christmas is great and I always get great stuff, but I think people kinda get tired on my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the things. I totally have enough crap. It just sort of disappoints me that my birthday is, i don't know, second rate. Like that it isn't a big deal. Birthdays are a big deal. It's the anniversary of your birth. Existence is kinda important, don'tcha think? And my parents... and my friends...
It's no big deal, just something I think about sometimes. Anyway, remember the book plan? Well draft two is in progress. I haven't even finished reading through all of draft one but I have so big plans for the revisions. BIG PLANS. Like, adding a couple of characters and a WHOLE NEW VILLAIN plans. I've remembered why I wanted to write in the first place, and why I love the characters. :) The only problem is that I really really really want to get Scrivener, this computer program designed for writers and to help with the writing process. Unfortunately I have to wait until some undisclosed time for the Windows version to be released. *grumbles* Mac bothers me to no end its not fair.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
(In AP English class we have to write an essay about The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. It’s an in-class essay that we’re supposed to be acquiring evidence and quotes for right now, but I’ve already done that.)
Humans have found a duality in the universe and continue to see the same dualities in their lives for thousands of years; plants are either alive, or dead. It’s either night time, or day time. If it’s not hot, it’s cold. Human’s see opposites—probably because there is the same sort of duality inside of them; Humans have a lights side and a dark side. We are capable of both great good and great evil. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson revolves around the concept that there is a duality in human nature.
(That was the introduction I’ll be using in the actual essay. After this I have an outline for two body paragraphs, one centering on the ‘supporting characters’ and the other centering on the ‘main characters’. But that’s boring and I don’t want to do all that work right now so I won’t put it here.)
…
{Okay, so I was going to do this really funny thing write a fake essay but I’m not sure if I want to do that anymore, mostly because I’m getting really bored and distracted really fast because these guys are talking about awesome movies behind me and how they can’t wait to see this one action movie to come out—I want to see that too!!—and some sexist website or something. And also, there is like, fifteen minutes left in the class and then I have to deal with advisory my next class.}
You wanna know the annoying thing about this novella? I don't know if you've read it before, but if you have, you'll know what I'm talking about and if you haven't then I'm saving you a lot of wasted time;
The whole book is about this lawyer named Mr. Utterson and the mystery of how Mr Hyde is and how he's related to Dr. Jekyll and it's SO aw forget it, let me just show you:
Alexa's Summary of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:
So Mr. Utterson is around with a boyfriend of his and the bf is like, "hey! i know that door! that's were this dude Mr Hyde lives-- he's really weird. Yeah, in fact, one time he trampled a little girl and we made him pay the family some money and his check was like, from this really upstanding gentlemen. It was really weird." And Utterson is like, "Yeah, that is really--WAIT,MR HYDE? I KNOW THAT NAMEE!!" and he goes home and he's like, hey, this really weird, that creepy dude that trampled that little girl is named as the beneficiary of my bud Dr Jekyll's estate..." And naturally, Utter is like, I must know why this is ( or something) and he goes looking for Hyde and Mr Hyde is like, get away from me lol, and Utter is really freaked out about him for no reason---
Insert Alexa's Reason She Hates this Book #1: No one can say why they don't like the look of Mr. Hyde! It's not like in the movies, or cartoons of this story, where Hyde is a terrible monster, or deformed or something; the guy is short and stumpy, like a dwarf, and there's something 'off-putting' about him. No one even mentions what it is until the extreme end of the book and even then it's speculation! "There's something extremely unsettling about Mr. Hyde, yes, he's very fearful to gaze upon. I couldn't say what it is, but perhaps we are able to sense the pure evil that emanates from his person." THROUGH HIS FACE!! If you think the guy is pure evil, than why don't you stay the hell away from him??
--and leaves. There's also a part where he goes to his buddy Dr Lanyon because he's worried and wants to know more about Jekyll's new friend Hyde, and another part where he confronts Jekyll who's like 'Duuddde, don't worry about it." And then Mr Hyde is reported to have killed this parliament dude (did I mention it takes place in Victorian London? Didn't mention that? My bad) and then Utter gets really worried that Jekyll will get like-- what? punished for Hyde?-- something bad will happen to him (....) and Jekyll begins his descent into crazy sickness that spirals on and off for 50 PAGES!!
Insert Alexa's Reason She Hates this Book #2: Really? Really? Have you people ever heard of DOCTORS?? OH WAIT YOU ARE DOCTORS LOLOLOLLOLOL grow a pair. USE YOUR BRAIN AND GO TO THE FREAKING HOSPITAL (of course Jekyll can't go to the hospital because of you know, the physical manifestation of multiple personality disorder) But whatever.
And then, after Lanyon gives him a mysterious letter about Jekyll and Hyde and then DIES , and Jekyll's weirdness, Utter is called by Jekyll's manservant Poolemaster to come check Jekyll out cause the servants all freaked out that somethings up with Jek something's up with Jek (do do do) and Utter finds Hyde dead in Jekylls library with another letter that says to go read Lanyon's letter which has a story and then says to go read another letter by Jekyll...
Insert Alexa's Reason She Hates this Book #3: WHAT? WHYYYY????? WHY CAN'T COW-UTTER JUST BE LIKE HMMM A GUY JUST GOT KILLED MAYBE I SHOULD READ THE FREAKING LETTERS AS I GET THEM AND STOP WASTING VALUABLE FREAKING TIME.
And then after all that the reader finally finds out that Hyde and Jekyll are the same person and that Jekyll created a potion to change him into another dude (amazing!).
Alexa's Real Reason she Hates this Book: The real reason I don't like this book, the real reason i think this is a low grade quality of writing is that there is no real reason that Jekyll made the potion. He spends two paragraphs talking about the duality of his personality and how he had hypocrisies that bothered him. That's it. There's no greater meaning. The reader doesn't learn what Jekyll had to go through to get to that point. I've read a lot of books, and the best books are the ones that show what a character is feeling or how he got to be the way he is, not telling. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde tells everything. It's boring and predictable.
NOT. A. FAN.
Insert Alexa's Reason She Hates this Book #2: Really? Really? Have you people ever heard of DOCTORS?? OH WAIT YOU ARE DOCTORS LOLOLOLLOLOL grow a pair. USE YOUR BRAIN AND GO TO THE FREAKING HOSPITAL (of course Jekyll can't go to the hospital because of you know, the physical manifestation of multiple personality disorder) But whatever.
And then, after Lanyon gives him a mysterious letter about Jekyll and Hyde and then DIES , and Jekyll's weirdness, Utter is called by Jekyll's manservant Poolemaster to come check Jekyll out cause the servants all freaked out that somethings up with Jek something's up with Jek (do do do) and Utter finds Hyde dead in Jekylls library with another letter that says to go read Lanyon's letter which has a story and then says to go read another letter by Jekyll...
Insert Alexa's Reason She Hates this Book #3: WHAT? WHYYYY????? WHY CAN'T COW-UTTER JUST BE LIKE HMMM A GUY JUST GOT KILLED MAYBE I SHOULD READ THE FREAKING LETTERS AS I GET THEM AND STOP WASTING VALUABLE FREAKING TIME.
And then after all that the reader finally finds out that Hyde and Jekyll are the same person and that Jekyll created a potion to change him into another dude (amazing!).
Alexa's Real Reason she Hates this Book: The real reason I don't like this book, the real reason i think this is a low grade quality of writing is that there is no real reason that Jekyll made the potion. He spends two paragraphs talking about the duality of his personality and how he had hypocrisies that bothered him. That's it. There's no greater meaning. The reader doesn't learn what Jekyll had to go through to get to that point. I've read a lot of books, and the best books are the ones that show what a character is feeling or how he got to be the way he is, not telling. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde tells everything. It's boring and predictable.
NOT. A. FAN.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Apology, Explanations and Hugs
Ya know, I'm really sorry about the anger post. I won't take it down, because in real life words can't be unsaid, but I want you know that I am sorry. You guys don't need to know about that kind of stuff. I'm sure you have your own problems.
The weird thing about anger is how quickly it can turn into sadness. You get all puffed up and built up strong and then for as long that you hold it in the amount of weakness you feel afterwards is doubled. And after the sadness leaves-- and it will leave-- and you feel normal again but a little stunned, like you've been slapped in the face a few moments ago and you're just getting over the feeling of "Whoa! What was that?", you can pick up on the roller coaster of emotions of other people. Whenever this happens, I feel like I get people more. Like the little ways my mom is tired, and the anxiety and happiness of one of my best friends, and the stress my little sister has over certain familial relations. When people are upset, I know how they feel. I understand.
And usually I don't know how to show that; I don't know how to get them to feel that tug you get in your heart- the thing that makes you understand what they're going through. Is it sympathy? Empathy? One or the other, but yes; A friend is feeling bad about himself-- and I know how that is. Not the same thing-- because I believe that you can never truly know the extent of a feeling of someone else because you are not them-- but the thing that is the same inside of me. But how do I show that I'm there for them? What do I say to make them understand that I have gone through something similar and they need a shoulder to cry on... If I was there, the simplest way I could help was giving a hug.
Hugs are seriously some of the best things in the world.
I honestly believe that giving someone a real hug-- the kind of hug that isn't rushed, that takes as long as both people want, the kind of hug where you hold on to someone and there isn't anything but comfort no other emotions or connotations, a real hug-- can make the everything so much better.
Sometimes I wish I could give everyone I know a hug like that. People (I/You/Friends?) need them.
Another thing: I don't resent the fact that I've had (word for this? depression? issues? grief?) in the past. I think that tragedy makes you stronger. Looking what I've written, i don't know if other/normal? people feel this way naturally, but i think that those experiences have made me a better person. I might be sensitive, but you can read that word two ways: the bad sensitive or the good sensitive. I tend to see the good sensitive-- the kind that can relate to hard emotions and hopefully, help them out.
You might be thinking that having that sort of attitude about my mental state is delusional, but you know, I don't particularly care if that's what you think. I can't let myself believe that everything that's happened had no meaning, no reason. (And even if it originally didn't have a meaning, I've given it one by living my life as I do) Bad things-- be they car crashes or sickness or simply bad thoughts about your life-- must happen for a reason; they make us stronger.
And when you have another person standing by you that has been through the same thing--- why, then you are doubly as strong. I know it's hard to reach out, but I guarantee if you do, you won't meet humiliation or a denial. Not from people like me, not from people like yourself. We can meet you halfway, if you like. You feel bad, send out a signal; We'll do the best we can.
The weird thing about anger is how quickly it can turn into sadness. You get all puffed up and built up strong and then for as long that you hold it in the amount of weakness you feel afterwards is doubled. And after the sadness leaves-- and it will leave-- and you feel normal again but a little stunned, like you've been slapped in the face a few moments ago and you're just getting over the feeling of "Whoa! What was that?", you can pick up on the roller coaster of emotions of other people. Whenever this happens, I feel like I get people more. Like the little ways my mom is tired, and the anxiety and happiness of one of my best friends, and the stress my little sister has over certain familial relations. When people are upset, I know how they feel. I understand.
And usually I don't know how to show that; I don't know how to get them to feel that tug you get in your heart- the thing that makes you understand what they're going through. Is it sympathy? Empathy? One or the other, but yes; A friend is feeling bad about himself-- and I know how that is. Not the same thing-- because I believe that you can never truly know the extent of a feeling of someone else because you are not them-- but the thing that is the same inside of me. But how do I show that I'm there for them? What do I say to make them understand that I have gone through something similar and they need a shoulder to cry on... If I was there, the simplest way I could help was giving a hug.
Hugs are seriously some of the best things in the world.
I honestly believe that giving someone a real hug-- the kind of hug that isn't rushed, that takes as long as both people want, the kind of hug where you hold on to someone and there isn't anything but comfort no other emotions or connotations, a real hug-- can make the everything so much better.
Sometimes I wish I could give everyone I know a hug like that. People (I/You/Friends?) need them.
Another thing: I don't resent the fact that I've had (word for this? depression? issues? grief?) in the past. I think that tragedy makes you stronger. Looking what I've written, i don't know if other/normal? people feel this way naturally, but i think that those experiences have made me a better person. I might be sensitive, but you can read that word two ways: the bad sensitive or the good sensitive. I tend to see the good sensitive-- the kind that can relate to hard emotions and hopefully, help them out.
You might be thinking that having that sort of attitude about my mental state is delusional, but you know, I don't particularly care if that's what you think. I can't let myself believe that everything that's happened had no meaning, no reason. (And even if it originally didn't have a meaning, I've given it one by living my life as I do) Bad things-- be they car crashes or sickness or simply bad thoughts about your life-- must happen for a reason; they make us stronger.
And when you have another person standing by you that has been through the same thing--- why, then you are doubly as strong. I know it's hard to reach out, but I guarantee if you do, you won't meet humiliation or a denial. Not from people like me, not from people like yourself. We can meet you halfway, if you like. You feel bad, send out a signal; We'll do the best we can.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
It's a Bad Idea, but Here it is Anyway:
ANGER POST.
You know how people always say to write a letter to someone you're really angry at in order to calm down? And then when you're done with it, and you feel better, you tear up the letter and move about your life? That's what I think I'm doing write now. I KNOW it's a bad idea that I'm making it a blog post instead of a letter, and worse that (if you're reading it) I've decided to post it.
But I'm going to post it anyway, because I'm seriously annoyed and in a severe self-destruction mood.
I CAN'T STAND THESE PEOPLE.
I think I've gotten to a point that I'm just sick of this place (my high school); I've been here for four years, and I'm ready to move on. It makes me a little worried about later in life, when i'm going to have to put down roots and have a life and stuff, but that's something to worry about a different day because right now all i can think about is how easily I am angered; The littlest things drive me nuts. Usually it's not even something specific-- it's like a collection of tiny things i notice about a certain person that suddenly explodes and then I really notice it. I can't stand them. Just things they say; the things they say over and over and I know that to them it's a new situation that calls for it, but I'VE heard it TEN THOUSAND TIMES. I know all their stories, I know all their catchphrases-- I know everything there is to know! I know the way they talk, I know the things they like, I know can guess their reactions to almost everything. It's like, I KNOW ALREADY. To be honest, it's just their personalities. I've been friends and had classes with the same people for four-- sometimes as many as seven-- years. (YEARS)
And I know what you're thinking; Alexa, are you okay? Alexa, are you going to blow a gasket?
YES. YES I AM.
I don't want to scare you, honestly. I don't want you to be all paranoid that you are the reason I'm so *AHHHHH* because, seriously, the odds are that you aren't. There are just *certain* people that I really can't stand a majority of the time anymore.
The worst part of all this is that I think it isn't even my friends. I really think that it isn't their fault at all. One of my friends is always saying "I have serious issues" and normally it drives me nuts, (because I realize that you want to explain away your eccentricities but I'm your friend. I already like you. You don't have to explain yourself to me), but I've been thinking that applies more to me than it does to my friend. I realize that I can never compare one type of 'crazy' to the other, but I don't feel normal. I don't think normally. And everything is so fished up-- I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE. I can't share what I'm thinking about-- not about the things that matter.
I worry that all this anger and depression or whatever is like, smashed down, silently repressed feelings. Mommy issues, daddy issues, life and death issues. I don't talk about stuff like this because when I was little, when I was younger (13, 14, etc) we didn't talk about it in my family. My mom was always the too-busy type. She focused on the little kids--which is fine, don't get me wrong. I love my mom and dad a lot. They are seriously great. But my dad was no better-- he had two moods; goofy or cranky. How does an awkward kid like me talk to either of them? I either didn't want to distract my mom from her kids, or was afraid that my dad would react negatively to my insecurities. I've never felt safe with my emotions and the reactions of other people. So I didn't talk to them about how sad i was; how much i hated the things i did and said; how upset i was-- ever. Even now, when I know how dangerous it could be if I don't talk to someone, it's hard. I talk a bit to a social worker at my school, but i worry if it will ever not be enough.
I also worry that i worry too much, and that i focus on this too much ( I don't want to be like them-- repeating the same thing over and over again-- and never moving on or changing) instead of dealing with it. I feel like I've moved on from my birth-mother's death just fine, but now i have to deal with Jayne's death last year... and I'm not ready to do that. It's been a year and a month and two weeks and a day, and I still feel like if i go to Vermont, she'll be watching TV in my grandmother's house.
Whatever. It doesn't really matter. I should go work on my book.
Don't comment on this post.
You know how people always say to write a letter to someone you're really angry at in order to calm down? And then when you're done with it, and you feel better, you tear up the letter and move about your life? That's what I think I'm doing write now. I KNOW it's a bad idea that I'm making it a blog post instead of a letter, and worse that (if you're reading it) I've decided to post it.
But I'm going to post it anyway, because I'm seriously annoyed and in a severe self-destruction mood.
I CAN'T STAND THESE PEOPLE.
I think I've gotten to a point that I'm just sick of this place (my high school); I've been here for four years, and I'm ready to move on. It makes me a little worried about later in life, when i'm going to have to put down roots and have a life and stuff, but that's something to worry about a different day because right now all i can think about is how easily I am angered; The littlest things drive me nuts. Usually it's not even something specific-- it's like a collection of tiny things i notice about a certain person that suddenly explodes and then I really notice it. I can't stand them. Just things they say; the things they say over and over and I know that to them it's a new situation that calls for it, but I'VE heard it TEN THOUSAND TIMES. I know all their stories, I know all their catchphrases-- I know everything there is to know! I know the way they talk, I know the things they like, I know can guess their reactions to almost everything. It's like, I KNOW ALREADY. To be honest, it's just their personalities. I've been friends and had classes with the same people for four-- sometimes as many as seven-- years. (YEARS)
And I know what you're thinking; Alexa, are you okay? Alexa, are you going to blow a gasket?
YES. YES I AM.
I don't want to scare you, honestly. I don't want you to be all paranoid that you are the reason I'm so *AHHHHH* because, seriously, the odds are that you aren't. There are just *certain* people that I really can't stand a majority of the time anymore.
The worst part of all this is that I think it isn't even my friends. I really think that it isn't their fault at all. One of my friends is always saying "I have serious issues" and normally it drives me nuts, (because I realize that you want to explain away your eccentricities but I'm your friend. I already like you. You don't have to explain yourself to me), but I've been thinking that applies more to me than it does to my friend. I realize that I can never compare one type of 'crazy' to the other, but I don't feel normal. I don't think normally. And everything is so fished up-- I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE. I can't share what I'm thinking about-- not about the things that matter.
I worry that all this anger and depression or whatever is like, smashed down, silently repressed feelings. Mommy issues, daddy issues, life and death issues. I don't talk about stuff like this because when I was little, when I was younger (13, 14, etc) we didn't talk about it in my family. My mom was always the too-busy type. She focused on the little kids--which is fine, don't get me wrong. I love my mom and dad a lot. They are seriously great. But my dad was no better-- he had two moods; goofy or cranky. How does an awkward kid like me talk to either of them? I either didn't want to distract my mom from her kids, or was afraid that my dad would react negatively to my insecurities. I've never felt safe with my emotions and the reactions of other people. So I didn't talk to them about how sad i was; how much i hated the things i did and said; how upset i was-- ever. Even now, when I know how dangerous it could be if I don't talk to someone, it's hard. I talk a bit to a social worker at my school, but i worry if it will ever not be enough.
I also worry that i worry too much, and that i focus on this too much ( I don't want to be like them-- repeating the same thing over and over again-- and never moving on or changing) instead of dealing with it. I feel like I've moved on from my birth-mother's death just fine, but now i have to deal with Jayne's death last year... and I'm not ready to do that. It's been a year and a month and two weeks and a day, and I still feel like if i go to Vermont, she'll be watching TV in my grandmother's house.
Whatever. It doesn't really matter. I should go work on my book.
Don't comment on this post.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Publishing/Agent Research, Doubts, and Thank Goose It's Friday
Long time no see, Friend!
I wanted to update because I haven't in a while, but unfortunately, my life and thoughts have been rather dull. For the past week my free time has seriously consisted of RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. Every night, every lunch period, every advisory/free time I get has been devoted to researching the publishing world and literary agents. I'd say I've spent at least four hours a day to this for the past five days, so about twenty hours. (.__.) I have no life.
Basically my research started with a front to back reading of 2010 Children's Writer's & Illustrator's Market which is basically this gigantic book about writing children's books/ YA books, and where to find good publishers and agents and contests and the things you had to consider when doing trying to make it in the publishing world, etc. etc. It wasn't the best book for me to look through, simply because I want to write fantasy or YA novels, but it was the only one that my high school library had and I rather read something than nothing, so I used it. It was kinda helpful, because it gave me a starting platform, and a look into the general mores and unwritten laws of the publishing world (like the basis for query writing, and what else I need to research like copyright laws and contracts).
I also took a look at the NaNoWriMo winner's website, which had a "I Wrote a Novel, Now What?" page that had a bunch of links to other sites that should be checked out by wannabe authors like me. I took notes from Writer's Beware on the subjects I knew the least about, like copyrighting and whether or not I really need an agent at all. From them, I got the links to AgentQuery.com , QueryTracker.com and AuthorAssist.com. Agentquery was awesome, and I haven't had a chance to really explore Authorassist, but QueryTracker was a new one for me, and I have to say that it's pretty cool; not only can you look up any literary agent, but it also give you a list of clients, genres the agent is looking to represent and comments of people that have queried them. The last feature is especially helpful because some agents don't respond for a while, and some are a little on the sketchy side. I'd never know that if other wannabe novelists hadn't shared their stories.
By far the best website I've used is Preditors and Editors, though. I really feel comfortable with them, because they are referenced everywhere as a great site to double check information. Not only does it have information on which scams are pretending to be writing contests and legitimate publishing houses, but it has an extensive list of agents and editors; and tells you whether they've had big sales or are registered with the Association of Author's Representatives (like a guild or union or something--it basically says, yeah these guys are legit).
So through those websites I've compiled a list of agents (I'm on the 23rd right now, and decided to take a break). When I'm done cross-checking my preliminary list (I'm got like, 19 more to go...) I'll move on to researching queries. I have a couple of books I found at the High School Library, and then I'll move on to the public one... I feel like I've done a lot, but I still have so much more to do. I want to focus my research on writing too, like how to draft and stuff, and then I want to email an author that I know to see what she thinks when I'm done with my second draft... Basically, I have a plan, and it goes like this:
I wanted to update because I haven't in a while, but unfortunately, my life and thoughts have been rather dull. For the past week my free time has seriously consisted of RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH. Every night, every lunch period, every advisory/free time I get has been devoted to researching the publishing world and literary agents. I'd say I've spent at least four hours a day to this for the past five days, so about twenty hours. (.__.) I have no life.
Basically my research started with a front to back reading of 2010 Children's Writer's & Illustrator's Market which is basically this gigantic book about writing children's books/ YA books, and where to find good publishers and agents and contests and the things you had to consider when doing trying to make it in the publishing world, etc. etc. It wasn't the best book for me to look through, simply because I want to write fantasy or YA novels, but it was the only one that my high school library had and I rather read something than nothing, so I used it. It was kinda helpful, because it gave me a starting platform, and a look into the general mores and unwritten laws of the publishing world (like the basis for query writing, and what else I need to research like copyright laws and contracts).
I also took a look at the NaNoWriMo winner's website, which had a "I Wrote a Novel, Now What?" page that had a bunch of links to other sites that should be checked out by wannabe authors like me. I took notes from Writer's Beware on the subjects I knew the least about, like copyrighting and whether or not I really need an agent at all. From them, I got the links to AgentQuery.com , QueryTracker.com and AuthorAssist.com. Agentquery was awesome, and I haven't had a chance to really explore Authorassist, but QueryTracker was a new one for me, and I have to say that it's pretty cool; not only can you look up any literary agent, but it also give you a list of clients, genres the agent is looking to represent and comments of people that have queried them. The last feature is especially helpful because some agents don't respond for a while, and some are a little on the sketchy side. I'd never know that if other wannabe novelists hadn't shared their stories.
By far the best website I've used is Preditors and Editors, though. I really feel comfortable with them, because they are referenced everywhere as a great site to double check information. Not only does it have information on which scams are pretending to be writing contests and legitimate publishing houses, but it has an extensive list of agents and editors; and tells you whether they've had big sales or are registered with the Association of Author's Representatives (like a guild or union or something--it basically says, yeah these guys are legit).
So through those websites I've compiled a list of agents (I'm on the 23rd right now, and decided to take a break). When I'm done cross-checking my preliminary list (I'm got like, 19 more to go...) I'll move on to researching queries. I have a couple of books I found at the High School Library, and then I'll move on to the public one... I feel like I've done a lot, but I still have so much more to do. I want to focus my research on writing too, like how to draft and stuff, and then I want to email an author that I know to see what she thinks when I'm done with my second draft... Basically, I have a plan, and it goes like this:
Alexa's Book Plan
1. Write the first draft
2. Allow brain to relax
3. Research (agents)
4. Research (queries)
5. Research (drafting?)
6. See #2
7. Edit/Write second draft
8. Email Mrs. Paratore (the author that I know)
9. Revise, then write query
10. Begin to send queries
11. Freak out when rejection letter is received [you can't say you're legitimate until you've received a couple of these]
11b. Party for first rejection letter??
12. Repeat steps 2 and 9 through 11 until
13. SUCCESS!!
I'm very aware that I'm not going to get accepted by the first person I send it to. I kind of expect that I will be rejected, in fact, I kind of hope I'm rejected a lot because all of the greats were rejected at least a few times, and I want the full experience, you know? I want to publish a book, but I also want to learn. :) Also, I'm only like, seventeen, so it's not like I have a limited amount of time (that I know of) to do this. I want to be smart and patient and professional. I don't want to come across as a whiny amateur (even though that's exactly what I am lol), I want to be someone that an agent would want to do business with.
Of course, it all comes down to whether or not my writing is good enough. I worry about that a lot. Like, what if I've put all this time and effort into it, and I turn out to be crap at writing? My passion is in the stories, and the characters, and I love that, but sometimes I think I'm not good enough, you know? Sometimes I have a hard time expressing myself. I freak out easily and make one second decisions in real life that I regret. This is really important to me, so I'm trying not to do that.
The other thing--and this is a very personal, weird, secretive part of me--that I've been thinking is that maybe this isn't what I want in the first place. Maybe I don't want to write books for a living, and study English in college. Maybe none of this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
I don't know.
But on the other hand, I can't imagine life without this. I guess that's how you know you love something right? That's how you know something is important; you picture life without it and if you can't see anything, it's essential. Makes you wonder what else you couldn't live without.
So, IN CONCLUSION, I'm really busy with researching book-things, I'm doubting the basic stuff that makes up my existence, boys suck, getting stressed out by previously mentioned worries, and desperately trying to ignore Christmas.
And now that I've finished this post four hours after I started it (during lunch) I'm gonna go watch the rest of Sorcerer's Apprentice instead of reading or researching, like I should be doing.
HAPPY FRIDAY!!
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