Apology, Explanations and Hugs

Ya know, I'm really sorry about the anger post. I won't take it down, because in real life words can't be unsaid, but I want you know that I am sorry. You guys don't need to know about that kind of stuff. I'm sure you have your own problems.

The weird thing about anger is how quickly it can turn into sadness. You get all puffed up and built up strong and then for as long that you hold it in the amount of weakness you feel afterwards is doubled. And after the sadness leaves-- and it will leave-- and you feel normal again but a little stunned, like you've been slapped in the face a few moments ago and you're just getting over the feeling of "Whoa! What was that?", you can pick up on the roller coaster of emotions of other people. Whenever this happens, I feel like I get people more. Like the little ways my mom is tired, and the anxiety and happiness of one of my best friends, and the stress my little sister has over certain familial relations. When people are upset, I know how they feel. I understand.

And usually I don't know how to show that; I don't know how to get them to feel that tug you get in your heart- the thing that makes you understand what they're going through. Is it sympathy? Empathy? One or the other, but yes; A friend is feeling bad about himself-- and I know how that is. Not the same thing-- because I believe that you can never truly know the extent of a feeling of someone else because you are not them-- but the thing that is the same inside of me. But how do I show that I'm there for them? What do I say to make them understand that I have gone through something similar and they need a shoulder to cry on... If I was there, the simplest way I could help was giving a hug.

Hugs are seriously some of the best things in the world.


I honestly believe that giving someone a real  hug-- the kind of hug that isn't rushed, that takes as long as both people want, the kind of hug where you hold on to someone and there isn't anything but comfort no other emotions or connotations, a real hug-- can make the everything      so   much    better.


Sometimes I wish I could give everyone I know a hug like that. People (I/You/Friends?) need them.

Another thing: I don't resent the fact that I've had (word for this? depression? issues? grief?) in the past. I think that tragedy makes you stronger. Looking what I've written, i don't know if other/normal? people feel this way naturally, but i think that those experiences have made me a better person. I might be sensitive, but you can read that word two ways: the bad sensitive or the good sensitive. I tend to see the good sensitive-- the kind that can relate to hard emotions and hopefully, help them out.

You might be thinking that having that sort of attitude about my mental state is delusional, but you know, I don't particularly care if that's what you think. I can't let myself believe that everything that's happened had no meaning, no reason. (And even if it originally didn't have a meaning, I've given it one by living my life as I do) Bad things-- be they car crashes or sickness or simply bad thoughts about your life-- must happen for a reason; they make us stronger.

And when you have another person standing by you that has been through the same thing--- why, then you are doubly as strong. I know it's hard to reach out, but I guarantee if you do, you won't meet humiliation or a denial. Not from people like me, not from people like yourself. We can meet you halfway, if you like. You feel bad, send out a signal; We'll do the best we can.